I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
