halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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