turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
