I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
