i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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