i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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