Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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