Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
