Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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