Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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