its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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