Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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