Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
