I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
