There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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