On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
