How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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