bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
