you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
me + whiskey = a bad person
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
