So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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