White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Send help, water and tortillas.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
