dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
