Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
