as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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