I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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