actually, I'm a sock model
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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