i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
