Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
