haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
