Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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