oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
