worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Randomize
