it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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