Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
