I wannas sexs uuuuu
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
