nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
