sarcasm needs its own font
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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