I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
