You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
