My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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