I puked a lego.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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