I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
