apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
