sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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