Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
