no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
