I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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