I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
