I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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