I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
