Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
