I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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