She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just found puke in my bra..
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
